Welcome to my blogpost showcase page! Here, I’ll share websites and blog posts from colleagues that have completed my workshops and are now blogging with ease.
If you’ve completed this course and your posts aren’t showcased here, do let me know and I’ll make sure I add them.
These next poems are by Angela Tullock, a colleague who attended my workshop but didn’t have a website at that time. Enjoy!
Grief and loss
Grief is something that we all will experience at some point in our life. Grief does not discriminate, and sometimes takes us unawares.
Some common symptoms to loss may include:
- Shock and numbness, overwhelming sadness, crying, tiredness or exhaustion.
- You might express anger towards the person you have lost or the reason for your loss.
- You might feel guilty about feeling angry, guilty about something you might have said during a disagreement, or not said, or not been able to stop your loved one from dying.
- You might have not been present when your loved one died.
- You might feel guilty for not feeling anything at all. You might feel guilty for not crying or being sad.
These feelings may not be there all the time and may come in waves unexpectedly.
How do I grieve my loved ones?
There is no right or wrong way to grieve a loss. We all cope differently. How you grieve will depend on your personality, your faith, life experiences and how significant the loss was to you. There is no time limit placed on grief.
Is there a time limit on how long I should grieve?
Healing from grief will take place over time, but it is a process that should not be rushed. There is no time limit or fixed end when one should stop feeling the pain.
There may be days when you feel better and then a sudden memory is triggered by something someone said, a song, a smell or a visit to a memorable place, or you might just be deep in your thoughts.
Take grief at your own pace, be patient and don’t rush, everyone is different.
For some people it may be weeks or months, for others it is years. Sometimes you might feel guilty for not grieving your loss for the period expected by others. Sometimes you might feel guilty for feeling a little happier than the day before.
People may say words or comment, some might be unexpected or even hurt. Things like;
Be strong
The loss of a loved one is an emotional time of deep pain. It often brings reflection of how things could have been. The plan of retirement or grandchildren, of a future together. What you are feeling is normal. You do not need to pretend or keep in your emotions. Being able to show your true feelings will help you to cope better.
You have not cried since the death?
This does not mean you do not feel the pain deep inside, that keeps you awake late at night. Yes, crying is a normal response to sadness, but it is not the only way to express sadness.
Are you still grieving after all these years?
There is no specific time on how long one should grieve. How long it takes will depend on each person. There is a healing process taking place.
It has not been that long, and he is moved on already?
This is often difficult for those left behind, and you might feel guilty. Moving on does not mean you have forgotten the person you love. The memories will always be there but may not be as frequent. There will always be an empty space in your life, but you will have learned ways to cope. You have come to a place of acceptance, and able to build a life around your loss.
The grief cake
1 Bucket of tears
1 Bucket of pain
and a bucket of regret
Then add
1 Bucket of pity
1 Bucket of denial
1 Bucket of shock
1 Bucket of guilt
Mix together in a large bowel of memories.
Empty in a tin of strength.
Bake in a hot oven of forgiveness and decorate with a thick coating of love.
It still hurts
It still hurts to look at your grave.
It still hurts to put flowers in your place
It still hurts to wish you happy birthday
It still hurts to not hearing your voice on the telephone.
It still hurts.
Sweet peace
I am reassured to know you are somewhere safe
Safe you are in heaven
You are not alone, and it takes away the pain
Your last words were, we will meet again
Yes, I believe we will meet again.
Grief bus station
Grief got on at grief bus station in 2010 and again in 2012.
The journey was long and tiring.
I stopped at Shock Station in disbelief.
I quickly arrived at denial stop where I was disoriented.
I got off for a while, then caught the number 9 bus to Pain Street.
There the driver picked up weepy-in an uncontrollable state.
Weepy got off for a rest at I Cannot Bear It Avenue,
before arriving at Reality Gardens.
Pain got on and sat next to a group of memories.
They chatted for a while and dared to smile.
Just then guilt got on with blame.
They talked about neglect,
short time spend and how things could have been.
When the grief bus arrived at the station,
grief was met by a glimmer of Hope holding the sign ‘Your journey starts here’
Grief and loss
Often people will have expectations of how you should respond to grief, and this can cause you to feel guilt and shame.
Here are some poems to encourage you in your personal and very individual journey with grief and loss.
Expectations
stand in the shadows feeling no pain
I stand in the shadows expected to cry.
The eyes are upon me willing me to say something! Do something!
React this way or that way, anything, just show a sign.
I stand in the shadows feeling no pain
I stand in the shadows expected to cry.
The eyes are upon me willing me to say something! Do something!
React this way or that way, anything, just show a sign.
I stand in the shadows watching.
Waiting, will there ever be a right time.
Do I hold onto others grief?
Or do I keep silence in the shadows of my own?
Grief and Culture
We all grieve in different ways depending on your culture, religion and experiences.
Here’s a poem to encourage you in your personal and very individual journey with grief and loss.
Who said it should be this way?
Don’t judge me if I don’t wear black
Don’t judge me if I’m not sad
Don’t judge me if for that moment I smile when others cry.
Don’t judge me if I dare to dance again.
Don’t judge me if I dare to sing again.
Don’t judge me if I dare to love again.
Don’t judge me if I dare to live again.
Grief and Boundaries
You might find it difficult to express what you really want to say. You mind pretend in order to please others.
Here’s a poem to encourage you in your personal and very individual journey with grief and loss
What I really want
Is for you to stop saying it will be okay.
Things will get better.
At least he is not suffering.
At least she is in a better place.
Time is a healer.
What I really want to do
Is burst out of this bubble of fear and pretence.
Open my window, scream and shout.
I want to be angry.
I want to stay in bed all day.
That’s what I really want to do.
Just one more time
Let me look into your eyes and
Stroke your face.
Let me lay beside you
And whisper softly
Let me take your hands
And kissed them gently
Let me have those moments just one more time.
Let me hear your laugh fill the room
Let silence speaks when two hearts meet.
Let me have those moments one more time.
